Beliefs and Values

Beliefs are what we think is true they can be both conscious and unconscious, and may or may not be based on facts. While values are the principles we consider important. Beliefs and values shape how we see the world, how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we contribute to society. Beliefs Assumptions about the world can be positive and negative.Stem from life experiences, culture, and spiritual learnings.Can be core values, but values aren’t always core beliefs.Examples of beliefs Believing that protecting animals is as important as protecting humans.Believing that you are worthy of love and happiness. Believing in the importance of family.Believing that hard work pays offBelieving that education is valuableBelieving in the power of kindnessExamples of negative beliefs include: • “I’m not good enough”• “I’m not lovable”• “I’m worthless”• “I’m not confident”• “The world is dangerous”• “People are untrustworthy”• “I’m not smart enough”• “I can’t do that”• “I’m too old/young”• “I don’t have enough time”Negative beliefs can be harmful and can make you feel unworthy of having a good life. They can also lead to negative thoughts, self-criticism, and a persistent sense of not being good enough. Values Principles we consider important to live by.How we attribute worth to behaviors and objects.Measures we use to find meaning and worth in our lives.Values motivate our actions and help us make decisions. They are universal concepts, which unite people. Values can include concepts like fairness, justice.Values are stable long-lasting beliefs about what is important to a person. They become standards by which people order their lives and make their choices. A belief will develop into a value when the person’s commitment to it grows and they see it as being important.Example of valuesValuing honesty, which involves speaking and acting truthfully.Positive values refer to desirable traits like honesty, kindness, compassion, and self-esteem, while “negative values” include traits like dishonesty, aggression, selfishness, and lack of empathy; for example, a positive value could be “trustworthiness” while a negative value could be “deceitfulness.”Your beliefs are originally formed from the time that you are born. Those beliefs generally mirror those of your parents or whoever raises you, school, peer behaviour, church, clubs etc all affect your beliefs. As we approach adulthood, many of us, because of experiences in life, change those beliefs and establish our own. Some, unfortunately , never do so. As far as values are concerned, I feel that it’s OK to stick to one’s original values if they are good ones, but if we stick to the beliefs that we were originally taught, it should only be after we have carefully evaluated them.YOUR BELIEFS CREATE YOUR EXPERIENCE.We often treat our beliefs as though they are indisputable truths. Yet we all learned the meaning of “belief” in school: an idea that is held as true. The dictionary defines the word as “something that is believed.” In other words, a belief is simply an idea that we’ve decided is true. Our personal reality—or how we perceive and experience the world—is, to a great extent, formed by our beliefs. We can go out and find evidence” for every belief and position we hold but we can find the evidence that suits our world view. If you believe that someone doesn’t like you, you can easily interpret their frown as evidence of that dislike, even when their expression relates to something else entirely. Because our minds are capable of quickly producing evidence for almost any belief, we can easily prove to ourselves again and again that what we believe is simply the way it is. Long before we reach adulthood, we will have accumulated thousands of beliefs, from specific ones like “I’m not coordinated” and “Holidays are difficult for me” to larger, overarching beliefs like “The world isn’t a safe place,” “People are going to take advantage of me,” “I’ll never get what I want,” and “Nobody understands me.” We also develop positive beliefs, like “I love rainy weather” and “I’m good at organizing.” This collection of beliefs is largely responsible for creating our personal experience. The world shows up pretty much the way we expect it to.Example.Each of us has a unique set of beliefs through which we evaluate and draw conclusions about ourselves and the world. Let’s run the idea “I’d like to write a book” through three different sets of beliefs and see what comes out. LOne possible belief is “I don’t have the education, money, or support I’d need to make that happen.” Another belief might be “There are probably too many books like this out there already.” A third might be “If I really have the desire to do something, I know I have what it takes to turn that desire into a reality.” Now suppose these three would-be authors are all experts on a particular topic and equally talented as writers. Which one has the best chance of actually producing a book? CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS, TO CHANGE YOUR EXPERIENCE. Many of us hold beliefs that are so much part of our psyche we are unaware of them and how they affect our thinking. We also are not aware that we can change beliefs. Think in your life to new beliefs you have gained, old beiefs you have modified and those beliefs that remain static. Some people will concede that it might be possible to alter a belief here and there, but argue that many if not most of our beliefs are “hardwired” into us and therefore can’t be changed. Take the idea of our needs, the things we believe we must have in order to feel happy, satisfied, or fulfilled. Our true physical needs are food, water, clothing, and shelter. We might also want to add human contact to that list. Anything else we call a need is, in reality, something we want or desire. We tell ourselves that if we don’t get these “needs” met, we will experience unhappiness in some form, such as disappointment, frustration, resentment, or anger. This applies to our values as well. What we call a value is simply a collection of related beliefs. Phillipa, for example, says she values traditional family life. What this means is that she has a set of beliefs about what is right and proper when it comes to families: “Families should make an effort to eat dinner together several nights a week.” “People should raise children to respect their elders.” “My sister should be supportive when she knows I’m going through a difficult time.” Phillipa could have hundreds of beliefs related to this one value. Someone else could have an entirely different set of beliefs around the same value. Like some of our beliefs, our values are not permanent fixtures: They evolve as we do. Some people’s values change in only small ways over their lifetime, while other people have transformational experiences that can shift their entire value system in an instant. Like puppets, we often find ourselves being controlled by our beliefs with no awareness of who is really pulling the strings. Until we can look in the mirror and become acquainted with our puppeteer, many of us will continue to feel pushed around, physically and emotionally. We will continue to put the blame on our circumstances, the people around us, and the world in general rather than where it belongs: on our own set of beliefs, through which we interpret everything that happens to us. Your beliefs create your experience. If a belief you have isn’t bringing you the experience you desire, you have three choices. You can continue to feel disappointed and resentful every time life doesn’t live up to your belief. You can trade up, replacing your belief with one that has a better chance of bringing you what you want. Or you can let go of your belief altogether and choose to accept life exactly as it shows up. You need to understand—that your beliefs create your experience and that what you believe is up to you—and life will begin to flow much more easily. If you’ve faced traumatic experiences or difficult circumstances in your life, such as abuse or extreme hardship, this concept may not seem immediately useful to you. However, transforming the way you relate to your memories—without condoning anyone’s abusive actions—can make a significant contribution to your healing process. CORE BELIEFS Core beliefs are firmly embedded beliefs with far-reaching implications about who we are. Generally with us from our earliest years, our core beliefs are hugely influential forces. Consider what kinds of experiences these core beliefs would produce: “I’m not good enough.” “I’m unlovable.” “I don’t fit in.” “The world’s a scary place.” “People will take advantage of me whenever they can.” “I’ll never get what I want.” “I deserve to succeed.” ” There is enough love for everyone.” “I can achieve my aims.””The world is scary but I can keep myself safe.” If our core beliefs are strong and negative they can cause us to sabotage ourselves unconsciouslly. If we consider ourselves unlovable we can repeat the same actions in a relationship that caused the last one to fail. Or we can go to meetings and radiate a don’t come near me don’t talk to me type of body language. Understanding how beliefs and values affect our lives is important in relationships, in our development and invaluable to us as writers.

Mary B